I know many people say after a challenging year that they feel different, they feel like a "changed man" and all that but let's be honest, are they really? I mean, maybe temporarily, but not for good. The kind of change I've undergone is the latter. I'm still the same person for the most part, I suppose mainly personality wise, but other than that, I feel quite a bit different. I experienced things I didn't know were possible, things this time last year I probably would've made fun of someone else for going through. Yet here I am, biting my tongue in a way.
Yet through all of this personal (and physical to certain extent) growth, I have done something many times that tears me apart. I have questioned my faith, and I have questioned His plan for me, and those close to me. For those who haven't kept up with me, this may sound confusing, for I was never one of faith until within the last few years. But regardless, how long I've trusted in God is irrelevant, only that I believe His word and am thankful everyday for the sacrifice Jesus bestowed upon us. And through all that I've been through in the last year, I feel like somehow I'm not surprised I have questioned it. Not that it makes it right by any means, but after all, I'm only human.
So, I sit here trying with every fiber of my being to just go with it but the question remains the same- How can someone so perfect, so full of life, so loving and caring, so selfless, so steadfast, so brave, and so needed by all those that she meets, be subject to things that I'm sure for her not only make her question if God is even real, but things that test her physically and emotionally in ways you and I can't possibly fathom.
I've already known for some time now that it's not fair, and I've given up trying to find the answer as to why it happens. Now all I want to do is just be there to at least try and lessen the burden.
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